another page

Another whole page of the Mariner is lying in the neural networks of my brain. Phrases present themselves during conversations, adding their music and echo to the topic in hand.

Quoth he, "He hath penance done,
And penance more will do."

Penance is suffering. Perhaps it is the working of our conscience when we acknowledge a wrong act. It requires that we recognise and feel the pain we have caused to others. Doing this, the other becomes part of me and I am more connected with wider life.

Natural justice requires that a wrong doer acknowledge that their act was wrong and take some steps towards reparation. Jewish 'an eye for an eye' and Aboriginal payback are two ancient justice systems that work on this basis. Wrong doers must suffer before they are redeemed.

The Mariner has suffered, but it seems that he hasn't suffered quite enough at this point. So he gets one more blast of 'dead man's eye'.

The pang, the curse with which they died
Had never passed away;
I could not draw my eyes from theirs
Nor turn them up to pray.

Then suddenly, in the next line, the spell is broken. The poem is like that – things change dramatically in a single line, or even a word. Colderidge doesn't do extended segues in this poem.

Today, I wonder what needs redeeming in my life? Redeeming, repairing a little every day – this keeps me at the coal face of my life. Working on my ephemeral self.

short uneasy motion

I am back in the routine of learning my verses of the Ancient Mariner while driving to work. The week on retreat in the Blue Mountains was followed by a couple of tired days with a sore throat virus.

Now I am on the mend, I go over verses that I already know and repeat the new lines that are 'settling in' to my memory, with the help of the paper propped on the steering wheel. I only glance down at safe times, just as I do when I am following a map for directions.

On Tuesday I started at the beginning and went right through. It took almost 20 minutes and nearly filled the whole journey.

Yesterday and today, it is...

The Sun, right up above the mast
Did fix her to the ocean:
But in a minute she 'gan stir,
With a short, uneasy motion –
Backwards and forwards half her length
With a short, uneasy motion.

When I rub against other people, or they against me, it feels jerky, like a short, uneasy motion. Not comfortable. Rubbing against others this week, I feel this discomfort. There's something to help remind me to be attentive.

These tousled trees in the Blue Mountains have the energetic look of a short uneasy motion.

6000 times

Repetition is going on in me all the time. It plays a major role in constructing identity and maintaining a continuous sense of self.

When I repeat things, I get good at them. So I need to pay attention to what I repeat. The Ancient Mariner is helping me to avoid repeating unhelpful things like resentment and grumbling.

Practising with others this week, I had a new insight into trusting the process. All I have to do is repeat and pay attention, then learning takes place. I don't have to DO memorising, just repeat with attention.


Now it was all instruments,
And now a single flute,
And now it is an angel's song
That makes the heaven's be mute.

At Karuna in the Blue Mountains, I enjoyed the earling morning light in the bushland. Every day at 7.00am on the short walk to the hall there was the morning light.